Friday, May 1, 2015

Healthy Fears

LIfe can be DIFFICULT. And i have learned that boredom is difficult for me to deal with. This gives my addiction a open window to say hey perfect time to get high just for today. I wont lie this happens to me and then anxiety comes attacking and I start freaking out. But today i have a choice to act on my impulses or not. I have reached a point in my life where Im so sick and tired of being sick and tired and how did i ever survive out there because I cant do it today. Hell I cant get through a day with out taking a nap. But thats ok. These are what I call healthy fears. Whether you have 10 years clean or 1 day. This disease can grab hold of you in  a second if you let it. Your desire to stay clean/sober has to be stronger then your desire to get high or drink. Today my desire to stay clean is so strong because of the amazing chance God has given me to have this amazing life. I have no idea what I did right in my life to deserve what I have today but it can happen to anyone. Your never to hold to start fresh and over again. I have fallen many times and I have learned its not how you fall but how you get back up. Thats whats important. And to learn your triggers, get rid of toxic people in your life, and change your way of thinking to healthy and I promise it does get easy. I finally got me back. I was lost in a darkness ever since my papa died last year and I had to get on Bi-Polar medication to help me because it was so bad and I didnt see me coming to the light anytime soon. Sometimes you just got to get help. My healthy fear today is being around others that use or have criminal addictive thinking or addict behaviors sober. So I had rid myself of those people and i may be lonely at times but by the grace of God I am clean today...

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